Love is supposed to be easy they said, but what they didn't tell you is that true love takes work and commitment! đ
1. Conflict-Avoidant Couples
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Conflict-avoidant couples navigate a delicate balance in their relationships as they value sidestepping conflicts to prioritise their shared interests.
This dynamic is particularly evident in places like Singapore, where cultural and societal influences emphasise harmony and conformity over creating conflict.
Examples of Conflict-Avoidant Couples:
đ Saying things like: "Let's not dwell on this issue. It's not worth arguing about. I don't want to upset you."
đ Downplaying or minimising disagreements to maintain peace.
How do you build a healthier relationship?
đ Work on healthy conflict resolution skills as active listening and compromise.
đ Practice empathy in your relationship to develop a more fulfilling bond.
đ Seek the guidance of a professional therapist for support if needed.
2. Volatile Couples
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Volatile couples embrace their fiery passion, thriving on debates laced with humour and amusement.
While some couples may learn to skilfully navigate conflict while allowing emotion to flow freely, others may argue in a harmful and destructive way and erode the trust and intimacy of the relationship.
Examples of Volatile Couples:
đ Saying things like: "We may argue, but it's because we care deeply about each other."
đ Making up quickly after fights and showing intense passion and affection.
How do you build a healthier relationship?
đ Learn how to argue constructively to avoid escalating conflicts too far.
đ Hone emotional intelligence and self-awareness in oneself.
3. Validating Couples
Photo Credit: Landon Akiyama
In the world of the validating couple, calmness and support reign supreme. Partners understand and appreciate each other's perspectives, showing unwavering empathy.
The occasional conflict where partners can be stubborn is handled in an emotionally validating and respectful manner with an emphasis on compromise.
Examples of Validating Couples:
đ Saying things like: "I understand why you feel that way, and your perspective is important to me."
đ Expressing appreciation and admiration for each other regularly.
How do you maintain a healthy relationship?
đ Set healthy boundaries and openly communicate your emotional needs.
đ Learn how to give and receive constructive feedback.
4. Hostile Couples
Photo Credit: Power of Positivity
For the hostile couple, understanding and support are replaced by relentless criticism, defensiveness, and indifference.
These couples are quick to anger and dismissive of each other's feelings, indulging in negative behaviours that mercilessly destroy the foundation of an initially promising relationship.
Examples of Hostile Couples:
đ Saying things like: "You never listen to me! You always think you're right!"
đ Using contemptuous or disrespectful language towards each other.
How do you build a healthier relationship?
đ Learn how to communicate effectively and listen actively.
đ Regularly express gratitude for one another to develop empathy.
đ Seek the guidance of a professional therapist for support if needed.
5. Hostile-Detached Couples
Photo Credit: Couples' Institute
Hostile-detached couples are trapped in an intricate web of detachment, frustration, and loneliness.
Often, neither partner is willing to surrender to bridge the emotional distance and disconnection between them.
Examples of Hostile-Detached Couples:
đ Saying things like: "I don't really care what you do. It's your life."
đ Rarely engaging in meaningful conversations or emotional sharing.
How do you build a healthier relationship?
đ Build emotional intimacy by going on regular date nights and sharing hobbies.
đ Practice expressing appreciation regularly.
đ Attempt to share more with each other to build trust and safety.
This article is based on the work done by The Gottman Institute on the 5 types of couples. The three happy couple types (Conflict-Avoiding, Validating, and Volatile) were initially identified by Harold Raush in his influential book "Communication, Conflict, and Marriage." The two unhappy couple types (Hostile and Hostile-Detached) were later identified by The Gottman Institute through their research conducted at their Seattle-based Love Lab!
Use this work to learn how to make your relationship as strong as it should be! đ
with Love,
The Dateideas Team